As the Cinematheque boys, and many other people know, who helped place Grisha in his new life, Grisha does not speak. He only communicates by iPad. iPad is the new communication instrument for many children around the world now — for whatever reason, the reasons are not important — who choose not to speak. Grisha wants to thank Rachel Chapple at Real Stories Gallery for his iPad. The iPad she donated to the boys now belongs to Grisha. It was their idea it should belong exclusively to him. Without Rachel’s donation, Grisha would be one very lonely twelve-year-old. The iPad has made a dramatic impact on his life. Grisha has assembled a video on his iPad about HIV/AIDS in the world today. Grisha is afraid of death as he has seen a lot of it. I respect his decision not to speak. For Grisha, it is a major accomplishment to communicate anything at all. Good job. — t
Diatribe of the day:
The video is sticking. It is 24 minutes long. I will try to get it unstuck. But I am not good at it. From what I can tell, Tumblr is having another bad day.
Sad me.
And then there are the haters with their everyday brand of fiddledeedee. I am supposed to pay attention to their Internet drivel. By now, you’d think they would “get” that I am not exactly what you would call responsive to their hate to such an extent that I am going to do things in ways that are acceptable to haters like I need their approval. My eyes to the sky. Where is it written that I am accountable to haters who inform me that for a “price” they will go away. Apparently the hate and the extortion are profitable. Gee, I wonder why it is that I connect the hater to the stalking of young boys. Oh, it might be because they have the same ISPs.
I have a long history of following the demands of haters. A hater hates. And so…
Duh.
The issue of what people believe is one I confront five, six times a day. I DO have a response to it. No one has EVER in all my years explained in any convincing way whatsoever how it is that WHAT YOU BELIEVE is important. Or so important that I am compelled to abrogate making any kind of momentum with what I do. What a bunch of assholes. You can’t even explain to me how it is that what you think should be meaningful to me. What you believe is pig shit. Believe what you want. It has no bearing, no gravitas, and it is not germane to my life. It is entirely irrelevant. To the point where it’s laughable. You don’t have the power to facilitate any change in what I do. I will do it anyway.
I am glad someone else can think about what people believe. My goal is to try to communicate to kids. What people want to think is so far removed from me, it may as well be Mars. There is a medical foundation in Central Africa. Their PR videos are the dullest no-bite scaredicat whimp videos I have ever seen. But they follow the format I am told people want. I guess what people want, and what people want to believe is that the combined efforts of the world of charity have made a dramatic impact on HIV/AIDS to such an extent that people can set the issue aside because even governments are taking care of this problem. Bullocks. Their second cousin died from AIDS in the East Village and we all know what that means. He was not one of “us” but they loved him anyway even though they did not know him whatsoever. He was the family token. Fuck’em. People believe what they WANT to believe. I know one guy who organizes big sex parties, still. The party called life has been moving forward even if the party of unsafe sex for the sake of sex is OVER. It’s the past. They are living the illusion of the past. It didn’t work then, and it doesn’t work now. The straight community has no fucking idea what goes on let alone what they believe. I am told by Google analytics that one particular stalker (boys attract them like flies, why do you think I am so adament) checks in on le-too fifty, sixty times a day. I am sure to catch me and prove once and for all that what you believe is so important, I should bow down and quit doing what I do. Fuck you and fuck him. Fifty to sixty times a day. Every day. For the past ten years. “Getting me” is his life. I am all he can think about. It’s a little obsessive. As in psychotic. This gentleman believes whatever he’s told, and the fact that I once (in 1988) rejected his work (it was illiterate) prompted him at that time to articulate: “I will get you.”
That and fifty cents gets us on the bus.
But he believes he was done wrong.
Gay men in any gay bar with a backroom want to believe that fucking with strangers in those back rooms — in the dark; I’ve seen it a thousand times, as a Martian, I have X-ray vision — as a way to express their sexuality is dangerous and edgy and that is what they want. They have no recollection of death because they were children at that time. They believe it doesn’t really mean them and I am telling you that bright men who are hammered with the message of safe sex every day in gay media, actually think (what people believe is just stupid) that they can tell if someone is sick just by looking at them (the cute ones can’t be infected, they look so healthy). Stupidity is not limited to the straight world. HIV/AIDS awareness is intense in the gay community. It has made an impact. But that impact is NOT enough. Not from what I’ve seen in terms of actual behavior. I believe in behavior. Not what people want to believe which is that they can afford to be free as the wind and irresponsible when it comes to other lives. I thumb my nose (it means kiss my big fat white ass, and while you’re at it, suck my big, fat white cock) and I do give Joe Public the finger. The gay community is not the problem and never has been. They are simply the recipients of the stigma. I want momentum. Not what people believe. People believe in Jesus and witch doctor’s bugabuga, too. “I do not believe you,” I am told every day. And… How does what they believe supposed to matter to me. It changes NOTHING. “We do not believe you.” And so… Like I am supposed to do something about what they believe because I am somehow obligated to tend to them like babies. Fuck’em. There is too much work to do to care about them.
They believe in things like amazing progress on HIV/AIDS is being made and all these infected people have to do is take their pills the various governments (mostly corrupt and the money skimming is the real scandal not that Yanks give a fuck) provide for free. It is so far removed from reality that it almost shocks me. Almost.
The Executive Director of UNAIDS travels the world visiting AIDS agencies (it’s mostly what he does other than sit his fat ass in an office at the UN building with a great view) and he is always escorted by the Big Wigs of everything and everyone from government to a hundred publicists. I have seen this with my own eyes many times. I’ve seen it in Africa. I’ve seen it in Brazil. I’ve seen it in Europe. UNAIDS is shoveled a bunch of shit by bureaucrats AND NGOs like the Clinton Foundation who really need to exemplify the reality they have been effective. It’s pathetic. And the head of UNAIDS BELIEVES the bogus numbers he is given because he does not understand that those numbers are collected by overworked, burned out health care workers who can only, barely keep up with the people they can count who come to them.
The people who do NOT come to them are not counted. Because they don’t COUNT in this.
But they do. I have dealt with the United Nations so many times, especially in the priorities of things like the Universal Declaration of the Rights of Children (such as the right to food), that it would make your pretty little barbiedoll heads spin. I know what I am talking about because I have been there, and I am still there, and what you think, and what you believe is garbage to me. You are not important. I am not important. The kids I deal with are important. Show Me Your Life is important. Umthombo is important. Desmond Tutu is important. 150,000 refugees in Kenya are important. The loss of AIDS drugs for children in Thailand is important. Eradicating tuberculosis is important. Busting organized criminals who are immersed in human trafficking and sexual slavery is important. Homeless Nakhch Qam children, the result of war, are important. Rape as a weapon of warfare is important to rid the earth of. The World Court and its commitment to prosecute crimes against humanity is important. What Yanks think bores the fuck out of me.
What I believe is that you can’t separate or divorce from reality the truth that when it comes to HIV/AIDS, such inconveniences as homelessness, access to health care, unsafe sex work, the status of females in the world, the class system which is, in fact, the caste system, corruption, and addiction, are separate issues from HIV/AIDS. No. They. Are. Not. Separate. Not any more separate than the trafficking of children in the sex slave business is only business. Organized crime and HIV/AIDS are related. They are bedfellows. If you really listen to Grisha’s construction of videos, you will hear (I think for the first time, actually) someone in Asia who knows, allude to the black market in HIV antiretrovirals. Do you really think that Big Pharma is not complicit in this. Your ignorance is astounding. Your indifference is sickening. We have only been so-so at effectiveness. Lukewarm. I’m sorry, but I have seen many times HIV theatre that tries to impress tribal MEN. When they actually change their BEHAVIOR, what they believe is ludicrous, please, let me know. I can’t care about what they believe. Art can change any life and it can make some lives worth living. Especially if people are making it and not just watching and consuming it like bugabuga lumps on a log. The AUDIENCE believes they are involved. It’s stunning. They give nothing. They are as empty as a deflated tire. They are the audience. The real actors are the brave people who throw bags of rice off trucks. That is what I believe. I believe in Art and work. Not people. Tim to Mars: Joe Public can kiss my ass. There is no time to care one whit about what idiots want to believe. They do not know shit about the world. All they know is their little lives. If they could see the real world, they would run to Mars with their tails between their legs. I blame these people for HIV/AIDS. I do. I blame them for being gutless and for allowing this pandemic to murder millions of people. It makes genocide look like child’s play. I have seen just way too much of it. I can do what the fuck I do without a single one of them. Social workers who have never once been in a real whorehouse much less lived in one. Try the whorehouses of Kolkata. The HIV numbers there are murderous. Murder is the only name for not making more of an effort at what the numbers REALLY are. The Catholic church needs to be indicted and people need to go jail. Do you think China is supplying real numbers. Real numbers would reflect how effective programs function in reality. Not the illusionary box people compartmentalize in.
The current numbers are a fantasy and contrived by people who want to keep their jobs and they understand that the world is weary of this disease. They want governments to think they are effective at facilitating change so they can keep the gravy train producing. They think they are making a dent by administrating programs. Phooey. They are not going to change their minds or the shape of the bubbles they live in and I work in SPITE of their indifference and in spite of them. Earthquakes, tsunamis, wars, religious bugabuga, sharia law, nuclear meltdowns, fundraiser after fundraiser: people are worn out with giving. I don’t give a fuck who is worn out with what. Eat me.
Go fuck your comfortable little meaningless selves. I don’t owe you anything.
My question of the day: where are the journalists covering HIV in Chechnya. Where is the vaulted New York Times. In the past, I have written for the New York Times. They have a nice new building. They no longer return my emails. Imagine that. —0 t
South African Prisons (a court case) via TAC
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