Diego

La danseuse se dishabille (The dancer undresses)

Yo soy Diego. Tengo 19 años. Mi ciudad es Barcelona. Yo era un bailarín. La enfermedad del SIDA me está matando. Yo bailo la película. Tengo daño en los nervios. La medicina me ha hecho daño. Tim Barrus me ayudó con el fondo en esta película. Yo no puedo bailar. Puedo hacer videos de bailarines.

I'm Diego. I have 19 years. My city is Barcelona. I was a dancer. The disease AIDS is killing me. I dance in this movie. I have nerve damage. Medicine has hurt me. Tim Barrus helped me with the background in this film. I can not dance. I can make videos of dancers.

timothée barrus/ brainworms

remi has always been the younger dancer among us/

here overlooking the runways of our lives/

some virus hangs between us like an icon/

and you wonder why i left/

remi came to me to apologize/

crawling into my bed/

everything is always remi's fault/

remi hates himself/

it was quite late/

i hate it when they do that/

stay out of my bed/

they never listen/

i'm sorry he said the brainworms are bad tonight/

what do you mean brainworms/

i mean these worms inside my head/

crawling around in my blood/

remi, there is no such thing as worms inside anyone's head that crawl around in blood/

by now i was pissed off/

and wide awake/

you guys never let me sleep/

and you wonder why i left/

but i can see them in my eyes remi said/

there are no brainworms in your eyes i told him/

but i am sorry the brainworms are killing me/

there are no brainworms in your head there is no such thing as a brainworm/

i see them he said/

brainworms/

whatthefuck/

maybe if you hug me they will go away the brainworms/

i doubted it/

but i hugged him anyway/

what did i have to lose but another night of sleep/

the next day i took him to the clinic he has dementia they said/

on the way home he said i am sorry i have brainworms it is all my fault/

remi, what can we do to make the brainworms go away please tell me we can dance he said when we dance they go away/

and so we danced the dances of dementia/

washing my body in the water of that war/

and you wonder why i left/

stop wondering/

SPAIN

WARNING: Explicit Imagery and Colloquial Language

Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV)

Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome (AIDS)

And so it begins again. This time in pain. AIDS and pain are turning points of hollow dreams whose acid rain has carved a fatalism preordained to move all your previous second-selves and days close as your dead lover’s distempered tongue once ravaged the inside of your mouth and throat with a decrepitude grim-visaged even as his hooded warlock’s states of siege were collisions, too, and spells, duels with death, and a cave of sunken eyes gone to white cataracts belonging to a demoniacal if malevolent crone. Swallow hard.

timothée barrus/ grasp finding weight

grasp finding weight bearing him down/

there was pain/ he was in a lot of pain/

i did not know/ i would say: are you in pain?/

and he would smile and say no or he would just say nothing/

i failed him/

he was in enormous pain/

i had a french anesthesiologist, a pain specialist, examine him today/

he’s in a great deal of pain but he did not want to bother you with it/

so we have banished the pain to wherever it is the pain goes/

my ominous camera to the beach and then to the woods alone today/

pain is a figure in white/ a goatwoman/

reports of executions/

i see the goatwomen with their vacant black eyes in the woods/

shimmering/

how do you say pain visually/

i fucking hate language/

the goatwomen have arrived to shatter him/

Diego

SPAIN

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