Africa has over 14 million AIDS orphans. That's a lot of children... and so many, many parents, whose lives were filled with unbearable sadness as they planned for their good-byes and reflected on the circumstances that led to their untimely deaths.


Lying in the warmth, in the half light of familiarity,
Black cockerel stirred my sleep again.
First wisps of smoke,
Crackling sticks, clanging pots
Signaling - slowly stirring.
Sweet tea,
Mielie-meal breathing through floating cows milk.
Morning knowing mingling,
Giving rise to my purpose.

Lying in the warmth, in the half light of familiarity,
I heard her, that old woman.
Up again early, harnessing her donkey cart.
Up again early, off to tend her land.
Before the sun's labouring affection, interferes
With her purpose.

Donkey cart, husband, son, daughter-in-law, grandchildren,
That Lucky old woman.

Lying in the warmth, in the half light of familiarity,
You slowly creep up, swiftly materializing.
I lie on my tummy,
Yearning for you,
Deep inside.
Reaching, for the borders of my soul.

Lying in the warmth, in the half light of familiarity,
Butterfly heart, pacing breath, tightening abdomen.
Quick gasp, as you touch momentarily,
Release,
Into tears
As you quietly slip away.
Once more.

Lying in the warmth, in the half light of familiarity,
I softly sing one line... again,
And again.
You were mine.
Oh, you were mine
Once
You shared me, with no-one else.

Lying in the warmth, in the half light of familiarity,
Harvesting memories.
Of laughter,
Of your funniest teasing,
Of your hands.
Oh, those powerful hands.
You were my safety, my peace of mind,
My purpose.

Lying in the warmth, in the half light of familiarity,
I suckled our first born
The child of your humanity,
You used to coo...
So sweetly
Together.
And,
I.
I was so sorry,
For your choice of labour,
Calling
Far from our home.
Invisible ripples at play.

On your every return, I made sure
To wear my brightest smile,
To be joyful,
And, to thank you.
For your sacrifice.
For our shining silver coins,
Oh, we did not know, then.

Lying in the warmth, in the half light of familiarity,
On your last return, you walked so slowly
Home, to us.
Through the seasonal rains.
R ain, pula, rain, pula,
Silver shining coins,
You were weaker, stayed longer
We changed.
Together.

Lying in the warmth, in the half light of familiarity,
I see this morning,
Those last days, floating through surrealness
Of HIV time.
We learnt to whisper its' name
I see clearly,
As we hid in the shadows.

Demanding new voices entered our bed.
Kicking out,
To Hurt.
Take a knife to my bladder,
Release me woman.
Excruciating retention.
Agonies parting friendship.
Pleading,
I deliberated... suckling your spirit,
And mine.
As we lay together,
Wishing for the end.

Lying in the warmth, in the half light of familiarity,
I recall.
We never spoke of what had passed.
Through tightened throats,
Swallowing lumps of fear,
We lay together, holding hands.
Tightly, loosely, tightly.
Loosely.

In the early morning as our blackest cockerel stirred my sleep,
I turned to watch over your stillness.
Blurred stillness, filtered tears.
Announcing
Suddenly.
Pathetic rage.
How could you...
Why did you...
Share our coins, with another.
Voiceless
Piercing, marital, scream.
Labouring breath.
How did you hold her.
Oh, why did you have to
Hold her.

Writhing jealously, embracing familiarity.
Clawing pictures,
Living.
Your pacing breath,
Your deep release,
Were mine,
Not hers, to share.
Our silver pieces betrayed us.
Ah...
So handsomely.
Oh why, my love, oh why,
Did you not sing with imaginings
And please yourself.
Whilst waiting, for me.

The old woman next door
Presented.
Avoided.
Like us all,
Did not hear, did not see, did not say.
But she knew.
I know she knew.
Like us,
A little.
And she waited.
Until your mother's anguished cries were still.
As her son's became.

Today, my love, is a new day for me, too.
Our silver coins,
Our sacred sighs,
Have shone deaths' embrace
Across my purpose, too.
Patience.

Lying in the warmth, in the half light of familiarity,
What use are tears today.
I command them to sleep.
Patience waited,
I sold our donkey and our cart.
She bought our finest blackest cockerel, too.
Oh, and I have willed
For my mother,
And yours,
To watch over our own.
Your child of humanity,
My milk's sweetest voice,
Our son.

Lying in the warmth, in the half light of familiarity.
I know clearly this morning,
When I join you, we
Will speak of HIV and AIDS.
Softly I shall ask you, as our hearts touch
Once more.
Clearly I shall ask.
For I shall have nothing more
To fear,
Or, to lose.

I shall ask, with focused breath...
If we knew yesterday - about our todays,
Would we have chosen
Differently,
To shield the life we shared.

Lying in the warmth, in the half light of familiarity,
I know your answer will be
Yes,
My Love,
Yes.
Oh, one minute,
Your young son is stirring.
He misses you so.
Your powerful hands,
Your funniest teasing,
The cooing you played with, together.

Lying in the warmth, in the half light of familiarity,
I have a new purpose, today.
With urgency to my stride
I leave for our young child,
Our story.
So he may choose more clearly,
Than we
As he walks from our embrace>
So he will be careful, oh so very careful,
Not to unwrap
HIV's purest gift.

Lying in the warmth, with new purpose this morning,
I am leaving our son
His parents' story.
So he may know, for all his todays and tomorrows
How much we longed
To stay, To shield, To play.
So he may know, clearly
How much his parents yearned
To live
Whilst they were dying.