Bernedette Muthien co-founded and directs a South African NGO, Engender, which works in the intersectional areas of genders & sexualities, human rights, justice & peace. Her community activism is integrally related to her work with continental and international organisations, and her research necessarily reflects the values of equity, societal transformation and justice.  She has published widely, written for diverse audiences, and believes in accessible research and writing.  Bernedette started reading poetry at political mass meetings and other public spaces while at high school during the 1980s.  She is a core member of the Cape Cultural Collective, a progressive performance arts group with its roots in anti-Apartheid struggles of the 1980s.  For Bernedette the poetic is not merely personal, but profoundly political and spiritual too.

Amongst others, Bernedette co-convenes the Global Political Economy Commission of the International Peace Research Association, is a member of Amanitare, the African network of gender activists, and serves on various international advisory boards, including of the international journal Human Security Studies.  She is co-founder of an indigenous scholar-activist network, the KhoeSan Women’s Circle, in addition to convenor of an international listserv of Native scholar-activists, Gender Egalitarian.  Bernedette was the first Fullbright-Amy Biehl fellow at Stanford University (1994-1995), and holds postgraduate degrees from the University of Cape Town (Dean’s Merit List), and Stellenbosch University (Andrew W Mellon Fellow, 2006-2007) in South Africa.  Her current research centres on the Egalitarian KhoeSan – Beyond Patriarchal Violence, in other words, how social and gender egalitarianism are coterminous with nonviolence, as well as showing that nonviolent and egalitarian societies have existed throughout time and continue to exist at present.

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Inspired

i want to write

about love

again

 

love that slaps me

in my tracks

a derailed train

without passengers

or other superfluous

cargo

 

love that flashes

miniscule silver stars

just before i bleed

like a slaughtered cadaver

fairy dust

in earth’s abattoir

like a full moon

too far gone

 

love between aunt

and niece

mother and

adopted child

elder

and ordinary

 

the love of neighbours

thru post-op care

breast cervix

slashed & slithered fantasies

 

love

so different

to the ways i know some want

platters pain

to mimic the torture

in eyes empty

as politician’s lies

 

not what i imagined

before

the fictions of lifetimes

of hatred

 

which i erase

rubber on charcoal

as nanoseconds to aeons

 

there’s more to lightyears

and enlightenment

like love

 

can you feel it –

            love

                        light -

                                    everywhere…

 

 

sacred

rows of trees like erect

stick soldiers devoid

of all green

life

throws a line

takes infinite points

on endless arcs

so the gaze be/comes an orbiting sphere

encompassing intersecting

en/circles circles

till i spin & skid

pebble on pond

within a cosmic ocean

of unimaginable mysteries

crossing eyes fusing souls

with you

immortal divinebeloved

 

 

planetary piss?

i yearn to float with ducks

on open air waves

nip pluck tuck everywhere

neither here nor there

i am both none inbetween

kiss her fuck him desire

only a dream

sitdowncomic pencilling

shower songs

thru unwooded electrical storms

 

 

picture perfect

there's a thumbprint

on a face without a pupil

and lines of identity

circling the frame

greyscale

with some swatches

of peach

life's a finger supper

snap

 

conception

corner to corner

full-eyed poppies

wave smiling bollywood heads

on delicate necks

sending whiffs of inovulation

to pulsing orifi

 

under cloudy glare

my irises blossom

madonnas' hearts

as my digits float

thru scarred ozone & oiled mantle

wildmaned with the wisdom

of wireless energy

that is you i all

& on...

 

immaculate

 

 

corridor moment

you are the corridor

vacuumed time

white-glazed glare

empty-eyed suspension

my scrubbed innocence

is finally lost in

as i wander thru your plasma

like ecstacied mercury

floating on waves of noman's land

trust my only shore

as i release the rope

and breathe you

like air

 

 

I Q

u're in the centre

of your war against conflict

and yet the silences of an entire alphabet

around one Greek letter

closes the infinite spiral

of balkanisation

decapitating

this (in)voluntary bastard's

air

supply

 

31 august 2003

italy, for lepa

 

 

neutron?

i am an infinite ravine

engorged rivers erode my scar tissue

lickmarbling the craters

on all sides

nations in-habit my being

as i moisten for his mastery

and fingertip her open-legged vulnerability

all the while aware

of all our innocence

made of nothing but

air

+/- i am charged

with no sides

 

 

sacrifice – making holy

i spent too many winters

drowning in sweat

battling demons & blocking angels

to have my bloodied independence shattered

like a clumsily dropped orchid

 

in bed with only your rainbo jersey

& the carcass of a soul stripped naked

of guards braces sheets

a lumpy mattress on the floor

devoid of springs & stuffing

 

facedownspreadeagled as novices become nuns & marry jesus

i offer you this husk

to populate with your boundless

passions

 

some start at least

under bowel siege

barred by my own patterns

the violence of disdain

daggered rejection in driediceblue eyes

 

we're both ducks in suburban backyards

with jagged clipped feathers

to limit flight across makeshift fences

with wolves leering at each corner

 

trapped by the weave of diapers still on our dry skin

we breed walls & trick mirrors like rodents

always flicking blonde fringes from our brows

& wondering why

 

so there's no light

thru magical gardens & undisguised privilege

with even trendy lockup&go bohemian cottages on city fringes

no wrap on proletarian pasts

 

please do unroll your traditional dusty mat

don't mind me sneeze

as we hobble along on minefield legs

each desperate to fill the charred bombshelters

that serve as souls

 

while i ask why not

like lesbian reciprocity

you say scabs need to first fall

as we laugh like hyenas over rotten carcasses

forgetting all the while

i don't even eat meat

 

faint from too-frequent bathroom calls on betaperamide

i must admit

you were repeatedly upfront honest i was well-forewarned

you are not my struggle i am

having to care for myself

first

 

but is this how we choose our rainbows hued

swinging wingless from thick branches

merely pecking at green fruit

 

we both deserve lightning

will you meet me halfway?

 

 

new shoes

i see you frolic

in your new boots

watch you tiptoe

- tap -

then jump

- big -

wriggling bones all the while

as you explore

the comfort of our fit

and wipe wolfpoop from my slipons

as i pray for wisdoms to always jazz

without stepping on your toes

and watch you glow

while you polish your new shoes

and with sure fingers

make me wear them

for a walk in your woods

 

 

suburban blues

there's a fire mushroom on the horizon

while the waves teasingly paw me

a bit like a middle aged dyke

shedding her straight skins

after stroking too much sunlight

licking her own fingers

and gorging on my moist

dark chocolate

afrikan liqueur

oven-baked cake

 

captain’s daughter

i first caught sight of you

at a network meeting

19 new moons ago

in your castle: a shelter for

optimistic violated women

 

even then i spied your tiara of blinding light

thru multiple layers of gatored moats

 

you strode in late

with typical scowl

on your waifish gait

 

frozen-faced

spoke of the dire need

for ethics

in our movement

 

18 full moons later

i searched for questions in your office

and your eyes danced sunlight thru the forest of my hair

as we deflected queernesses off our armours

 

again invited to your castle

exploding with women's industries

that visited you in ancient dreams

you valiantly reached for your calendar

and inked our first date

your eyes reflecting the oceans of insecurities

that cradle our chosen peninsula

 

on a tour of your fields

your gaze alone

levitated me

in a moment

of your maze

 

and then you touched my soul

thru too many folds of lace

and showed me logs

dancing in flames

always listening

with your fingers

deep inside

where i have come to hold you

safe

from the demons

that daunt us in daylight

 

now i shed my battered winter coats

as i join you on your unrolled mat

and lightly clasp your open-fingered face

with blackforest eyes

as we skip our way

fat with the blush of dewey hope

to the old witch's hut

with ginger just passé